he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
