I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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