Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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