So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
