Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
