its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
