All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
