I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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