As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
