So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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