I'm really into asian looking animals
My first STD was from a foam party
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
