Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
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And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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