No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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