I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
