my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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