the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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