This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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