i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize