I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
In other news, I just burned my penis
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
there is glitter all over my balls
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