Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
