god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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