Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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