I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
