those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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