Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
