I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
