I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i love accidental penises.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
