im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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