Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Randomize
