So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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