Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
