I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
