Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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