there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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