I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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