Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
They took my balls.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
