Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
