she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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