; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
