Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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