i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
