You were right. It hurts to walk today.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
