So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
