I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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