True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
honey bunches of taint.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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