Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
