You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
