Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
