So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
we should paint friendship bongs
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