ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
All the doctor said was why
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
