I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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