Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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