she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
