I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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