Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
