the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
