I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
