About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
