is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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