the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
