I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
