I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
this hospital has no fireball
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
