You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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