A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
