yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
