drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I need to sanitize my soul.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
