Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
