the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
