my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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