i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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