i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
