Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
