The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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