his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
