I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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