then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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