Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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