A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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