Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
